Being male is a matter of birth ...

Simply put – therapy for men that focuses on their roles and the unique challenges that they encounter in today’s current social and political environment.  It has become increasingly apparent men benefit from having a confidential space that is secure and dignified and gives them opportunity to explore the rapidly changing dynamics of what it means to be a man in today’s world that is obsessed with toxic masculinity.  

What makes an issue a “men’s issue” depends on how it was developed. Men’s issues are developed within a context (such as family raised in, time period, culture, or geographical area). Such contexts have the potential to define behavior as something a man would or would not do.  These definitions can be limiting and unhelpful. They can restrict the problem solving ability of men in situations that require more flexible and adaptive responses.

Therapy is a private, confidential space where men can openly connect to what matters to them. While it does not have to focus explicitly on “men’s issues,” a therapist can assist with awareness of taken for granted, learned ways of expressing psychological pain, and assist with more effective ways of being.

Men may be motivated to seek out therapy and its benefits if they are able to discourse freely on their private matters and issues they face in contemporary culture: 

·  Unrealistic and stereotypical portrayal of men in the media and culture.

·  Combatting racism, sexism, homophobia, and the man-box 

·  Relationships of every kind. 

·  Disposability of men and boys. 

·  Parenting, stay-at-home dads and paternity leave

·  The LGBTQ+ movement and the expansion of gender and sexuality. 

·  Financial responsibility and the pressure for success. 

·  Sports as a lens of masculinity. 

·  The young and the old seen as the strong and the weak. 

·   The criminalization and persecution of ‘patriarchy’ 

Being raised within a traditional male environment does not necessarily result in difficulties, but it is likely to have affected a person’s idea of what it means to “be a man.” Unfortunately, some of the more traditional ways that men have learned to deal with their emotions can sometimes lead to mental health or relationship difficulties.

Issues that men may want to speak to a therapist about:

Anger and irritability. Often men are taught to hide more vulnerable emotions such as hurt or sadness and instead express anger and lash out. This may be the only way they have learned to communicate they are hurting.  However, anger can have disastrous effects on relationships. Learning how to communicate hurt and sadness effectively can facilitate an opportunity for repair and even strengthen relationships. Psychotherapy can help men let go of problematic anger and instead express the vulnerability needed to have fulfilling relationships.

Intimacy and affection.  Stereotypical male ways of expressing love are to “do stuff” for their partner. This could be buying something, fixing something, or attempting to solve problems for their significant other. Sometimes this is not helpful to create closeness in romantic relationships. Partners of men can sometimes feel emotional distance when they want someone to listen without problem solving or communicate love instead of “show” love by buying something or doing something. Psychotherapy can assist with understanding your love language and that of your partner. It can help with learning new ways of expressing love and intimacy.

Non-medically explained sexual issues. Medically explained causes of erectile dysfunction, reduced sex drive (hypoactive sexual desire), or premature ejaculation are addressed by medical doctors. However, psychological and lifestyle factors can also contribute to these difficulties. A therapist can help by treating underlying anxiety (e.g., performance anxiety) and depression that can contribute to sexual difficulties. Therefore, therapy can improve sexual performance and related concerns.

Numbing or pushing away emotions. Some men may have been raised in environments where the very experience of an emotion was unacceptable. This can result in attempts to avoid or control emotions. For example, drug/alcohol use, ending relationships, physical altercations, devaluing the importance of loved ones, or keeping people at a distance can be ways to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, these attempts to control emotions can result in even more problems and even more difficult emotions. Therapy can help men identify, learn to deal with, and effectively express emotions in ways that that are more adaptive and can help preserve and strengthen relationships.